I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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