And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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