The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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