According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Did I show you my penis last night?
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i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
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I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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