Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize