is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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