My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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