Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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