he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
