you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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