I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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