Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
