If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
