sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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