where am i from again
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
