My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
