Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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