I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
