Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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