My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
