do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
