I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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