and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Sober January is a disaster.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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