i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
