hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
