We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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