I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
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