Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
