ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Randomize
