I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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