I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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