My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
