my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
