I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
