Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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