Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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