so let's talk penis.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
