I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
