and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
