my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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