she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Boobs speak an international language.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize