Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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