I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
