Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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