I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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