you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
