Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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