It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
