Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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