have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
