so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
