I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
cat food counts as protein by the way
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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