If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
