So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
