Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize