That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
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I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
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You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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