Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
