How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
