do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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