You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
