So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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