i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
