just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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