He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
even my farts smell like vagina
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
