had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
