Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
