i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
