Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
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he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
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Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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