She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
