is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
The air taste purple.
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