my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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