I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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