i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
