i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize