I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
