If that was your dad, he is hot
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
